Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Time to Slay Dragons...

It's been awhile since I've written a new post.  At first, it was the holidays.  Too much to do, too many commitments, too much stress. I'll get back to it when things settle down, when life gets back to normal. Well, now it's March and I still haven't written. I haven't written because life will never be back to normal again.

One minute, I was 'daddy's little girl', and the next, I wasn't.  One minute, I had a daddy, and the next,  I was left with only memories.

In an instant I felt 6 yrs. old again.  All I wanted was my daddy to make it better, the way he always did.  I needed him to slay the dragons and make the monsters under my bed disappear, but this time he couldn't.  This time the dragons and monsters would win and suddenly the world seemed cold and frightening.

Losing my dad made me come to the realization that there was nobody left on this earth that would think I was perfect.  No one left that would see me as flawless.  Not that I am, far from it in fact, but when I looked into my dad's eyes I knew that's what he thought.  Don't get me wrong, I am loved, unconditionally even, but they see my flaws and love me in spite of them.   My dad just never saw them.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I don't think I've been honoring him the way I should.  I've been stumbling through the days.  Taking care of my daily duties, but not really living. Allowing grief to take me prisoner and feeling like I've surrendered. My dad would be disappointed in that.

So... if I close my eyes and listen with my heart, I can hear him.  I can hear that low, deep, booming voice, and he is telling me...'Sis, it's time to live again. I have given you everything you need to slay those dragons on your own.'

I guess it's time I sharpen my dagger.

10 comments:

  1. Love you too kid..love you too!

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  2. I'm SO very sorry for your loss. There are no words. At the same time, I'm happy to see you blogging again, my Amazon friend. If you need help slaying any dragons, I'm pretty handy with a dagger myself. Much love.

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  3. So sorry for your loss, but you need to grieve, and unfortunately, stumbling along is part of it.

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  4. No words. I want to go call my dad right now.

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  5. Lola dear..I may call on you for your dagger skills :-)
    Yes Sandra, I am definitely stumbling but hopefully in the right direction!
    Go make that phone call Selena..what I wouldn't give for one more ;-)

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  6. Girl this made me cry! My dad looks at me the same way, and OMGosh my parents call me "sis" too!! I've always been "daddy's little girl", he's always seen me as perfect. I'm so sorry for your loss...I could feel it in your writing. And you wrote it wo beautifully!!

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  7. This is such a sad, heartfelt post. It can't have been easy to write. I hope there was some healing in putting the words down, though. Your writing is beautiful.

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  8. Oh Crystal, there is just nothing quite like a daddy's love. It makes my heart smile knowing there is another dad out there that feels the same way about his little girl. Treasure every moment.

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  9. Thank you Galit...definitely the most painful post I've written.

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